… you’ll steal your mom’s deodorant when you are in 8th grade because you’ve learned through the most unfortunate of experiences that you have in fact hit puberty like a brick wall and your hard working glands in your armpits that you just learned about in Health class last week have decided to start working overtime, holidays, and weekends. You try everyday to convince your mom to pick you up some Old Spice (I mean if you’re gonna get to wear deodorant, you might as well make it the same one as your cool older brother who is always talking to girls all the time how does he do that?) and she laughs and says you’re too young. You know you’re not too young. Your mom knows it. You’re pretty sure she is lying just to avoid having to buy it when $2 would more sensibly be used to buy a loaf of Texas Toast which would make two nights worth of French Toast. But you don’t want to believe your mom is a liar so you just shrug and resolve to keep sneaking into her bathroom early in the morning before you run out to catch the bus to slather your newly haired pits with thick, chalky, fragrance heavy Ladies’ Secret to ensure that P.E. doesn’t attract unwanted attention again from the cheerleaders who now think that maybe you live on that farm behind the stadium. Shhhhh, you’ll never know now ladies. That’ll be my little Secret.