… you develop weird crushes on unorthodox beauties. And here’s why:
The only access you have to pretty girls is via the torn and tattered porn you found in the woods when you were 8 or anything on TBS. Cable is where the babes are at. And cable is not something that you’ll ever have. But back in the day TBS was an all access channel. And back in the day they played lots of movies with Suzanne Somers in them.
And Suzanne Somers is a mystical siren. That can do things to you with a look that you won’t experience again until you meet and actual real living breathing human girl.
You know who else TBS had? Gillian Anderson. The Scully to my Moulder.
“Hey there Scully, I think I saw an alien under my bed. No wait, in my bed. Can you come check for me?”
You know who else TBS had? Mary Anne. So lonely on that island with Gilligan and the others.
“Excuse me, Mary Anne? If I can get you off that island could I show you my bedroom? I’ll give you a tour. A three hour tour.”
You know who else TBS had? The red haired girl from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
You know who else TBS had? The blonde mom-like sidekick of Xena Warrior Princess.
One day you’ll see Xena’s sidekick signing autographs at a Comicon in Salt Lake and it’ll feel like you ran into a brick wall. Oh the feelings! The memories! The nights of passion and the days of longing!
Then, just as fast as it hit you, its gone. And you’ll go get a less than average churro from the concession stand.